we-pay-for-everything answered:
I understand what you mean, but context is important here. Sheila died because she chose to help Bonnie’s friends, since Bonnie wasn’t going to leave Stefan (I think it was Stefan) trapped inside the tomb. Grams did the spell to protect her granddaughter. If you’re going to blame anyone for Grams’ death, Bonnie should be on the list - but that’s unfair and cruel. Ultimately, things happened and Sheila made her choice. As for Abby becoming a vampire, that was the Salvatores’ fault, but what other choice did they have? Either Elena died, or Abby became a vampire (which was preferable to death). Had it been anyone but her mother, Bonnie would’ve made the same choice as Damon and Stefan, in a heartbeat.
Bonnie suffered more than most characters, and her friends were usually part of the reason why - which is why the writers did Bonnie dirty - but in the context of the show, I don’t really blame the other characters. Bonnie continuously made a choice to protect her friends, and to be involved in the Mystic Falls drama (since she was a witch). Her plans often caused others harm too (how many vampires died because she took part in the plan to kill Kol?).
Most of the time Bonnie forgave her friends because it wasn’t unreasonable to. Plus, when Abby died, she didn’t forgive Damon. She forgave Elena, who was innocent. But of course, she eventually became best friends with Damon. TVD never held anyone accountable. Damon was forgiven by everyone all the time, and so was Stefan. I mean, Caroline befriended Klaus, who killed and harmed so many of her friends…
Thanks for the ask!